In January of this year like most people I had decided to give the diet another go. I was not sure what I was going to do, or where to even start. Hubby and I talked about things and discussed what to do. I had taken a break from the gym, and was not really doing anything. Hubby got on the internet and started looking around and found a program. I looked at it, and we decided to contact them and set up an appointment to talk. I was a little skeptical, but I was about to the point of desperation.
We went to the clinic and met with one of the directors. The lady we met with was very encouraging. She explained the program to us, basically told me that I had to want to do it. I had to be mentally prepared to start. Hubby and I went home and talked more about it and decided that I would start the program. I actually started the program on a weekend that I was going to an adoption retreat out of state.
The retreat was a perfect place to start. Despite being around all kinds of foods and snack, I stuck to the program. I was able to have some time to think and jump in with both feet.
The program is called Optifast. I would have five shakes a day and all the water or non-calorie beverage I could drink. That is it for the first several weeks. I had to check in with a dietician and doctor every week to make sure every thing was going well. I also had to have blood work done to watch my blood chemistry. Despite all that was going on around me, I had a schedule of when I was to drink and that never changed. This schedule would be my saving grace when times would get tough.
It was a rough few weeks when I started the program. I could not handle cooking or going to the grocery store or being around food. I had to learn to change my thinking when it came to food. It was all going back to the bad relationship I have with food. God was working on me through it. He was showing me that I was addicted to food – it was my idol.
Each week I was seeing success in my weight loss. That weight loss fueled me. Hubby was my biggest supporter. I would text him every week after weigh-ins, and he would cheer for me. When I hit a milestone, he even brought me roses to the clinic. All the people at the clinic supported me as well. They never let me give up. I loved meeting with my dieticians.
All I can say that God gave me the program as potentially my last shot to get healthy. He has been the one to get me through all these past months. There have been some very rough times when we were dealing with some major health issues with our children. Those shakes and eventually bars and soups were my saving grace you could say. They were the one constant in my life when everything else would be going crazy. In the past, I would turn to food to get me through. When the food was not there, there was only one thing I could do – turn to God and pray. God was also changing how I acted around food in social situations. Meeting with friends didn’t always have to revolve around what or where we ate. It was more about the relationship with the person than the food. It did make for interesting looks when hubby and I would go out on dates. He would order a nice meal, and I would ask for a cup of hot water, bowl, and a spoon. There were so many things mentally that were changing. I did loose my desire a little for food and especially for certain foods.
One thing did grow – my relationship with God. He has worked on me these past 8 months to where I am now. I desire Him more than anything. I live to worship Him. Many of you know that our family went on sabbatical this summer. I was trying to figure out how to handle the diet because I was not at my goal. I took the advice of my doctor, and I did not quit – I stayed on it all through the sabbatical. I did cheat one time, but it was our 20th anniversary and how many times in your life do you get a chance to eat at the Biltmore. It was some of the best food I had ever put in my mouth. The next day I was right back on my shakes.
During our time away, God showed me so much more. Yes, there were tough days when I wanted to eat and give up. But, I had 3 girls that were depending on me. I could not give up till I met my goal. The little one was my little policeman. She would get on to me anytime I joked about eating food.
So, here I sit 6 pounds away from my goal of losing 100 lbs. It is something I could never do own my own. I have a much healthier relationship with food. I feel stronger and able to handle things without turning to my olds ways. I am eating 2 meals a day in addition to my shakes. I crave vegetables and healthy foods. I have started eating so many vegetables that I have never eaten before. It shocks my mother. I have gone from pinning desserts and junk food on Pinterest to pinning different ways to cook zucchini and cauliflower. I also look forward to exercising again. I love getting out in the mornings to walk and run.
Please know in no way do I deserve any of the credit for this weight loss. God is the one who gave me this plan and helped me to stick with it. The old me would have given up a long time ago. He has changed me physically, mentally, and most definitely spiritually. I am also trying to figure out how to accept people telling me how good I look. I have never been on that end, and it is kind of weird. I am also trying not to see myself as that fat little girl anymore who was made fun of for being overweight.
In all the time I have been losing, I was trying not to purchase a lot of clothing. This summer I had the opportunity to do some shopping for some much needed clothes since I was not too far from my goal. I was trying on jeans at a store I had always wanted to shop in but was unable too. I put the pair on and was not sure if they fit well or it they would stretch, so I asked the salesclerk. She suggested I try a smaller size. I was just shocked in that suggestion. So, I did and they FIT!! I just stood there and looked at myself in the mirror. I was wearing clothes in sizes I had never remembered ever wearing. I almost just sat there and cried. I am excited to go clothes shopping again (sorry, Hubby). God is so funny!
I have thought, why didn’t I do this earlier. What have I missed out on because I didn’t do this earlier. But I can’t do that. I have a new beginning and I need to run with it. Move on because there is no need to look back.
In no way do I have it all figured out, but I pray that God will be my focus for any problem that can come my way. With all the weight that is gone, it truly does feel like a burden has been lifted. When I look at pictures from just last year, I see someone who was miserable and unhappy. Now, I have a new life and my joy has returned. I almost forgot – that blood pressure that was high – now so low that my body has not figured it out, and I have to be careful and not stand up too fast.
This one on the left is when I started and the one on the right is about halfway thru the program.
Here I am now.